Daily Prompt: Ballerina Fireman Astronaut Movie Star

Daily Prompt postWhen you were 10, what did you want to be when you grew up? What are you? Are the two connected?

When I was 10, I remembered I’ve wanted to become a Doctor. It was a “nice to be” occupation – minus the parts on getting a degree in that, coming to terms with the different prescriptions, the legal trouble you’ll get into prescribing the wrong medicine and probably experiencing some form of ethical dilemma at points of your career.

Back then, I guess none of us really go through all that thinking but later we come to learn about alot more things and realize our limitations to achieving this sort of dreams. When I was young, I’ve wanted to be everything I can be – in particular; a detective, a writer, a news anchor, variety show host and an astronaut.

Anything was possible at that age. Those were really, really interesting and self-fulfilling jobs. And you get older and you start making decisions, really big ones I feel – whether it’s on your own or influenced by others, and these decisions may not necessarily be advantageously tuned towards the dreams you’ve had.

What am I? I’m nowhere near to achieving that dream I had when I was 10 – like I’d never thought I’ll be studying Business in Polytechnic and I’ve said that when I was in my freshman year and I’m finishing the remaining half of my final year of study. I don’t mean I’ve regretted anything since my first year of study. Initially, I thought I lost a big part of what I wanted and what I can do in the future when I got in here, but it’s not the case when by the end of it, you realize you gained more than what you lost at the first place when you thought you’ve made the wrong decision, but you haven’t. Things would turn out different if I made the other decision.

It’s hard to imagine myself doing a prosperous business in the future and dealing confidently with business people but there are things I’d never, ever thought I could do – like presenting, which was something I fear most, but I had to because of the nature of this course. I still get heart-dropped feelings, chapped lips and chattering teeth so close to getting a panic attack before my presentations. And even during my presentations, I can always sense jitters in my voice, but the courage to do so had to be forced out of me for that 15 minutes.

I don’t have the same dreams I had when I was 10, different dreams now. Some of our dreams get dashed when we grow up but the really nice thing about the process of growing up is that when you come to terms with reality, you have dreams that start to adjust to how realistic it’ll be to achieving it.

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