insecurities.

So I was watching Asia’s NTM earlier just now. Then there was this Vietnamese model who had a language barrier, and she got lashed out quite horribly by the person-in-charge during a photo shoot. She doesn’t deserve all that harsh verbal treatment; afterall, she has feelings and we can all see that she’s quite hurt about it and she’s trying really hard to understand and stuff. But then they said something about communication between the photographer and the model, or whatsoever. Well, and then she got eliminated, which was quite expected after that lash-out.

Maybe to everyone else, it’s not so much a big deal. But it made me think about how so many of us here, have the tendency to look down on others just because we think that we’re so much better than them in so many ways, and it’s sad obviously and… probably disgusting, I don’t know. And sometimes, I chanced upon some, who’s so damn freaking proud of themselves, it’s like basically like they’re obsessed with themselves and they fall head over heels over ‘dem achievements, which they think no one can compare to them.

Probably because I’ve got lashed out countless times in my life that I get so mad about it.  I don’t talk alot, but when I do, especially to people I’m not close with, I end up talking about all sorts of weird stuff and things that make so much common sense that doesn’t even need to be expressed. And generally, I don’t react fast to things, then I end up looking so silly. I’m not over-thinking because I know, if I meet an exact replication of myself, that would be my impression of myself. “You shouldn’t care so much about what others think.” yes, I shouldn’t.

Just some things I need to change are that I need to grow immune of other people’s opinions and then start to speak up instead of not doing anything to defend myself and ended up covering my ears and wallowing on my bed on late nights to get over how dumb I was. It’s so depressing, I understand it.

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Resolutions.

So I thought I should do a blog post about everything that has happened this year. 2012 went by so quickly, swift as the wind~ It’s like… it’s only been 3 months; 2 months of TEP (attachment), and several weeks of study semester and now the year’s ending. (And you know, my life pretty much revolves around school and home.)

And it’s hard to retrace everything that has happened from the beginning of this year until today, 17 December 2012. It feels like a lot has happened yet nothing has happened. One thing I know is that I cried a lot this year (i.e. family matters) but I got over it very quickly, so it doesn’t really matter now, no more hard feelings now.

Um… then I found Lana Del Rey’s music during March – April this year, which was amazing, yes it was. She came to Singapore on October. I waited for her at the airport on the 23rd, but she didn’t arrive on that date, but the following day. Then I saw her on the 24th during the Mulberry Launch. I prepared a 3-page letter 1-2 weeks before the date; and in the letter, it just contains everything I’ve wanted to express to her ever since I became a fan- my thoughts, my admiration for her music, and how her music has got me through the tears and everything else. And it was really nice of her to take the letter from an arm’s length away and said ‘thank you’.

You know I wasn’t expecting so much when I first got to know that she was coming to Singapore at the beginning of October. I told myself I’m gonna just be grateful if I really get to catch a glimpse of her, even from afar, yes that’s it, even if she doesn’t get my letter, I am still happy. And yes, a lot of fans met her, kissed her, talked to her (and a couple of fans I met have watched her perform live! during her sound check) and it’s something to get envy about, of course! But I’m really grateful, genuinely, up till now, I would still say that this year has been a great year. And come to think about it, she constitutes a majority significance of the memory I have of the Year 2012.

#confessionnight: I don’t even know whether I’m creepy now. I tweet/ blog a lot about her, to her, and ended up deleting some of them because I get creeped out by my own behavior, gosh -_-  I mean if I was in her position and there’s this fan who does this, um… it’s not nice.

That’s it about Lana Del Rey.

Then, about my personal life, it’s Year 2 of polytechnic life for me. I made new friends through attachment, they’re really helpful and cooperative when I worked with them for about a month. And as usual, I’m always this individual, who’s so afraid of being awkward and ended up doing things I’ve always dreaded to see myself in embarrassing situations, very blur team member….. and which is why I say, many of the people I met throughout the year have helped me, or even ‘guided’ me when I always appear so lost, and… probably weird as well.

Then I’ve been with the same friends I made on the first day of school, for 2 years and it’s nice! They are always excellent buddies to be with; whether it’s eating (a lot of time spent fretting about this issue), revising for tests during long breaks between classes/lectures, gossiping, joking, arguing and the time spent in school.

And probably because my secondary school life wasn’t so nice back and the only memory I had of it was just fruit-tard-me-getting-bullied, these 2 years, 2011 and 2012, have been really, really, really nice.

For 2013, I guess it’d be nice to stay that way!

Um, then I hope I’ll be able to do well in my internship during February; and it’s always hard to because I find it difficult to adapt to a working environment easily, whether it is the way systems work in the office, and especially colleagues, etc, but I need to be able to overcome that. Then I hope Lana Del Rey will come to Singapore for tour during Summer, like what she told the fans here previously, and I hope I’d have saved up enough to go for her concert and watch her perform live, it’s be a ~dream~ come true. And hopefully to meet some more fans. Then of course, I hope I’ll find out what I really want to do after graduation, and I hope to graduate and pursue something I love, which I haven’t found it out yet.

Aside

It’s only Monday and I can’t wait for this week to be over.

Then there’s the term break, where I’ll spend my days sleeping away… which is unlikely possible because of that pile of project work and revision to catch up with (if I can ever stay still by my desk and dutifully revise for just one chapter without moving about the house and finding something to eat, then probably take a nap and then wake up… eventually lost the enthusiasm to study and then start watching TV, and then bam, the day’s over.)

There’re a plenty of things I want to blog about, but there’re lots and lots of limitations. Like it may be called as a blog, but it’s not as simple as it sounds like a “platform which allows you to express your everyday thoughts and opinions about your life, or even about others”. Exceptions to the adventurers and people out there with plenty of interesting experiences to blog about; because there’s a difference in expressing what’s on your mind & what’s posted on your blog on impulsion AND blogging about what you do every day (routine) & posting photographs of yourself in different beautiful places you’ve been to around the world. And then, there’s anonymity…

Okay, I’m tired of typing already. OVER ‘N’ OUT!

Day 9: Favorite Candid Photo of Lana Del Rey

10 Days of Lana Del Rey Challenge:

Day 9: Favorite Candid Photo of Lana Del Rey

Hella yes! Finishing the 10-Day challenge after one more! I don’t know if these posts under the 10-Day challenge ever creeps people out, I hope not, of course, I feel creeped out by some of my tweets sometimes, especially past midnight, it gets so… emotional, ugh yeah, can’t help it.

She was charismatic, magnetic, she sings the body electric and everybody knows it, it’s a fact, kiss kiss. When she walked in, everyone’s head turned–everyone approached her, with the desire to tell her all the things they have always loved about her. She was like this hybrid, this mix of a singer and an artist who couldn’t contain herself. I always got the sense that: she became torn between what she truly deserves for her dedication towards art & everything beautiful and the society’s expectations of her. She is always this appreciative artist who’s adored, adored and adored. And in that way, I love her, xxxxx And I will always love her, till the end of the time.

My favorite candid photo of Lana Del Rey would be the one taken in Warsaw, Poland in September 2012. She just glows in this picture… basically in every candid taken in Poland, as long as you can google it!

https://i0.wp.com/25.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_macrxp4iKd1rxxyobo1_500.jpg

Day 8: Favorite Live Performance of Lana Del Rey

10 Days of Lana Del Rey Challenge:

Day 8: Favorite Live Performance of Lana Del Rey

It’s not easy for a singer to project his/her voice in a live performance as well as the studio-recorded (and for some songs, the edited) version. Especially when one’s singing more than 2 songs in one performance! And in front of an actual  live audience… However, the one thing that a studio-recorded song lacks of, is the feelings and emotions which is expressed by the singer in the live performance, only through singing it live.

To the point! My favorite live performance of Lana Del Rey would be her performance at the iTunes Festival 2012. I have this in my PC and I could watch this over and over again and never get tired of it, it’s the best! And absolutely perfect since it’s in HD Quality.

There are a number of songs which sound the bestest when they’re sung live by Lana herself, as compared to the studio-recorded versions, such as Blue Jeans, Body Electric, Million Dollar Man and Radio! I really hope to listen to her sing live someday! Come back soon, Lana! Next summer alright…

Then again… there are so many live performances of her which I adore, so much. The 2 of them which was so significant to me were her performance in Jazz Cafe, London and her performance during the BBC Radio 1’s ‘Hackney Weekend’ 2012!

‘Radio’ at Jazz Cafe, London

‘Million Dollar Man’, at BBC Radio 1’s ‘Hackney Weekend’